Suggested Reading Group Discussion Questions*
In the preface, the author writes that spouses in his support groups “who loved someone with a mental illness saw ourselves as neither heroic nor righteous”; rather, they are “at times crushed by the weight of the stress and moral incertitude in our roles as caregivers.” What was the “moral incertitude” the author is referring to? To what extent does a caregiving spouse have a responsibility to stand by those they love “in sickness and in health” when the illness is causing so much damage to the caregiver?
The author was blindsided by his wife’s late-onset mental illness. How could he have been better tuned in to the warning signs? To what extent do you think you are aware of the signs and symptoms of a mental illness? Are there any ways to help family members become more knowledgeable about mental illnesses?
One symptom of some mood and personality disorders is a person’s complete unawareness of their illness and its effects on family members and friends. How did the author try to help Leah see the ways in which her mania was affecting him? How can friends and extended family be helpful to a couple like Leah and Jeff?
Would you consider the narrator to be resilient? Why did he stick it out with Leah? Have you ever faced a situation that demanded you to be resilient? If so, how did you find inner strength and hope?
What did you think of the tone of the book? Where did the author’s use of humor work, and where did it fail? How did the author change the pace of the story in the manic sections of the narration and the depressed sections?
On page 240 in the print edition, Joey tells his father, “I’m more worried about something happening to you than Mom. Sarah and I need at least one healthy parent.” How did the author’s role as father affect his decisions and actions? How would the story have been different if the author’s children had been younger?
Americans have experienced so much social isolation the last few decades, and especially during the pandemic. The author found support from friends, family, his synagogue, and support group. What support would you have if a family member were to suddenly develop a chronic physical or mental illness? How willing would you be to turn to others for help? Who would you turn to?
Writing a candid book about the effects of a mental illness risks further stigmatizing it. On page 194 in the print edition, the narrator says he was on an “anti-mental-illness-stigma kick.” Was he able to break through the stigma as a writer and in his actions? To what extent does “Unglued” merely affirm the stereotypes and preconceptions we have about how a personal with a mental illness behaves?
On page 130 the author writes, “The problem with the mental health system is there is no system.” Do you agree? What are the weaknesses? What would a “healthy” mental health system look like?
To what extent would you describe “Unglued” as a Jewish book?
On page 185, the author writes, “Most important, I was learning how to forgive myself for my imperfections and to grieve for Leah’s ceaseless struggle to manage and regain her mental health.” What imperfections was he referring to? What mistakes did he make? What was he grieving?
On page 296, the author’s friend Jim, a widower, says that what the narrator was going through was even worse than what Jim had been through. Do you agree? How did “ambiguous loss” (p. 233) play a role in the author’s experience?
What was the relevance of the George Floyd killing discussed in the epilogue? In what ways did the author benefit through this experience by being a well-educated, White male?
What do you suppose the author left out of the book?
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*These questions can be downloaded here.